This Means War
by SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot
Summary: Kurt walks into the loft to find a big surprise, and he's not really sure how he feels about it. Klaine, Dantana, and Rachel loft fun.


**Alex rumchocolatesouffle told me to write Klaine baking Christmas cookies, and then my muse veered a little off course.**

* * *

Kurt hummed idly to himself as he slid open the loft door, hoping it didn't rattle too loudly. Their neighbors had been complaining about "noise violations" and "calling the authorities" thanks to Dani and Santana's multiple recent rounds of marathon sex, so he was trying to avoid raising their ire just in case the girls had decided to ignore their neighbors and finish off the week (which would totally break his and Blaine's record, too, dammit).

The view that greeted him once he got inside and took his coat off almost made him wish that had been the case.

The kitchen was covered in flour from floor to ceiling. The light shining in through the windows made it look like it was snowing inside as well as out. Bowls were strewn all over the countertops, and to top it all off, he caught Blaine and Dani red- (well, white) -handed in the middle of what looked like a street wrestling match.

"_What _are you two doing?" his voice rang out icily, immediately halting the two of them in their tracks.

"Uh, hi, baby. We were just making you some cookies!" Blaine said as cheerfully as possible, smiling at Kurt sheepishly. Dani nodded along frantically but silently, crawling behind Blaine to shield herself from Kurt's wrathful glare. "Hey, no fair throwing me to the wolves!" Blaine yelled, scooting away from Dani before pushing himself back to his feet.

"He's scary when he's mad!" Dani said, unapologetic, before grabbing onto Blaine's hips and pulling herself upright as well.

"Well I'm about to be absolutely _terrifying_," Kurt said, trying to channel his best inner Coach Sue. "What the hell happened here? I know you weren't raised by wolves, Blaine, but now I have questions for Dani."

"Hey!" Dani interjected with a pout.

"I'm sorry, you lost your right to be outraged when you covered our kitchen in flour!" Kurt retorted, gesturing grandly to the truly spectacular mess surrounding them. "Do you know how many come jokes Santana's going to make if she walks in on this?"

"Oh God," Blaine groaned, dropping his head into his hands at the thought, which sent up another little puff of flour. He began to start brushing off his clothes, fruitless as that was. "I'm sorry, Kurt, really. I was going to bake you cookies as a supplementary Christmas present, but then Dani came in, and, well..." he trailed off, looking around the kitchen as if only realizing just how trashed it was.

"And you just had to coat the entire kitchen in flour?" Kurt asked, raising one eyebrow critically and crossing his arms over his chest as he alternated his glare between Dani and Blaine.

"Well, Molly Weasley, if you've gotta know, I may or may not have implied that you had Blaine whipped, and then he got his panties in a twist and threw a whole cup of flour at me," Dani said, finally over her fear of angry Kurt as she tried to get all the flour off her leather jacket.

"Implied?" Blaine cut in, spluttering. "You said, 'Damn, Hummel's got you well trained!' and make a whip cracking noise! And then you slapped me on the ass!"

"Exactly, I _implied _it," Dani said sweetly, smiling at Blaine.

"All right, enough, you two," Kurt said, no longer angry but still tilting his head down and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Blaine?"

"Yes, baby?" Blaine answered immediately, obviously hoping to get back in Kurt's good graces.

"Could you hand me that mixing bowl, please?" he said, pointing to a green ceramic bowl heaped with flour. Blaine gave it to him wordlessly, face expressing his confusion at Kurt's request.

Then Kurt attacked.

"Whoa – whoa – Kurt – what?!" Dani choked as she was pelted with flour again, turning her head away from Kurt so she wouldn't accidentally breathe it in.

"That's for insulting my fiance!" Kurt yelled merrily as he grabbed another handful and threw it. "And that was just because I could, honestly."

"Oh, it's on, Hummel," Dani said, snatching as much flour as she could from the pile on counter and heaving it back in his direction without looking.

"Wait, wait, let me take my vest off first!" Kurt screeched, not expecting Dani to fight back. "It's vintage!"

"First rule of flour wars is that _there are no rules!_" Dani called, lobbing another fistful of flour at Kurt before ducking below the counter to hide. Blaine had already sat down and started making flour snowballs, and she snatched one out of his arsenal to chuck at Kurt's hair."

"Hey, get your own!" Blaine yelled, taking one of his snowballs and grinding it into Dani's hair, making her squeal.

"That's it, Blaine, get her!" Kurt said as he crouched down on the other side of the counter from them, trying to catch his breath. Once he was recombobulated, he crawled over to where Blaine was. "Wanna play boys versus girls?" he asked cheekily, planting a quick kiss on him.

"No fair!" Dani said, but Blaine was already nodding conspiratorially at Kurt's suggestion.

"Let's do this!" he said, handing Kurt one of his flour balls before grabbing one for himself. "On the count of three. One, two-"

"Oh my _God_," they heard Rachel squeal from the doorway, breaking their concentration instantly as they all turned to look at her.

"Oh, hell no," Santana said, peering above Rachel at the battle scene as she took her coat off.

"Babe, I can explain," Dani started, crawling around the counter to give her girlfriend her best apologetic look.

"You know what?" Santana said, holding her hands out as if that would deflect any unwanted commentary. "I don't wanna know. But I do want in!" she concluded, suddenly running over to them and flinging a handful of flower directly at Blaine before kneeling next to her girlfriend and kissing her hello.

Dani cheered, Blaine squawked, Kurt started plotting, and Rachel heaved a heavy sigh. "Am I the only adult left in this apartment?" she asked, throwing her hands up exasperatedly.

The two couples on the floor all looked at each other, the same scheme evident in their eyes.

"One," Kurt said quietly, but loud enough for Rachel to hear.

"Guys?" she started, taking a small step back.

"Two," Dani chimed in, subtly scooping up a handful of flour.

"What are you-"

"Three!" Blaine cheered, and they all tossed flour at Rachel, whooping.

"No fair, I wasn't ready!" she whined, and the war began.


End file.
